It is really difficult to see the vitriol thrown Jada Pinkett Smith’s way based on what has and hasn’t happened in her marriage, and with the release of her new book, Worthy.  That’s one of the drawbacks of social media - seeing people as objects to be talked about and not as people who have lived experiences that may be differ than what we would do and have done.

I don’t know the details of her marriage or the detailed rationale for why she made certain choices.  But her story reads as one of a woman who has dealt with quite a bit of trauma and grief in her younger years, and as she continued to get older, struggled with going after what SHE wanted.  In addition to dealing with the ways in which role changes, like marriage and parenthood, impacted her (as did those unresolved experiences and feelings from earlier in her life).  All this, while still working through her own evolution and healing journey as a woman.  On its basic level, I can totally relate. 

I have experienced trauma, broken relationships and at times felt like I was on a hamster wheel of my healing journey. How much grace do we give knowing that we are all humans just trying to survive and thrive? Learning to grow into yourself, your true self is hard ya’ll!  For me, it hasn't always been easy to be in that state and want to share with those in my circle, let alone the public (in Jada’s case).  But letting it out has been helpful when it’s with the right people - but it takes time to figure out who those people are.  And you have to be willing to take the risk and learn from it instead of shutting down and creating a barrier (my comfort zone).  I think the journey for many of us is to learn, grow, take a few steps back, grow some more, and share when you’re ready - at least that’s how it’s gone for me.

So immediately calling someone narcissistic, being annoyed by them sharing their own story or making assumptions on how people feel or what they should do all because you “would never do that” is way too critical to me.  Since a narcissist is defined as having excessive interest and admiration in oneself, maybe she has been.  And I don’t blame her.  So many media outlets have printed and relayed so many stories about her and her family, with her rarely speaking on them.  But many of us have the luxury to not be objectified in such a public way. Isn’t it time she told her own story?  How many times have people shared our personal stories without permission or even accuracy? 

When we share our stories, we tap into our own power.  When someone is willing to share parts of themselves that they at times didn’t even accept or know how to deal with, we should look to empathize with them, not criticize so easily.  No, we may not make the decisions they made and yes it’s your prerogative to take moral stances on things if you want. Critiques distance us from one another very quickly.  And I think we could all use a little more closeness and connection.